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Death is a robber and thief, takes away, but grief and sorrow can give it back. As hard as it is and perhaps daunting at the time it is possible to recover from grief with new strengths, a new focus and a new direction. To grieve is natural and healthy. The healing process starts as you release your grief, and start to recognize and sort your emotions ( which can be conflicting at times) and move to the acceptance of your loved ones death. The healing process will bring an increased awareness and new understanding.

A child once told me that she had seen a rainbow near the beach where she and her deceased brother had played. She said that the rainbow was his way of letting her know that everything was okay and she should stop worrying about him.

What is synonymous of New Zealand are the number of crosses that have been erected along roadways to mark the death of a loved one in a fatal accident. This is not only a reminder for the families setting up a memorial for there loved one but has made the public aware of a death and to slow down. Many of these road side memorials are lovingly cared for (with flowers) year after year.

Whether it is a cross or rainbow we all need something in our lives when a loved one dies. We need to arrive at that place of rest and peace, and go on with our lives whether we are six years old or sixty.

5. Ways to Commemorate a loved one.

1. Celebrate the life on the day of death.

Make this a special day for you and your family. I know of a family who always made it a fun day - a meal out and a visit to the movies.

2. Plant a tree

A tree represents new life and a living tribute to the deceased. As the tree grows tall and strong in stature so will you and the family.

3. Display Photographs.

Make a display board for the photos. I saw a wonderful example of photos enlarged on the photocopier then pasted on a large piece of particle board. As the photos were not all the same size they overlapped. The board was then sprayed with a clear sealant. It would make a wonderful activity for children.

4. Visit the grave.

Let this time be a positive reflection, not occasions for sadness. You might find it comforting to voice your thoughts and feelings to the loved one. If you have children present make sure that they understand that this is not “contacting” the person but rather the expression of comforting oneself.

5. Establish a commemorative tradition in the community.

Create a scholarship fund at your local school, give a trophy to a football team, maintain a flower bed in your neighborhood or city ………these are all uplifting and lasting ways to commemorate the deceased.

Commemoration is a vital part of healing and recovery. It promotes acceptance of the loss and helps the survivors move forward.

There is no longer any room for guilt, remorse, or regret. Instead we are filled with love and peace.

I will leave you with a prayer written in 1934 by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And wisdom to now the difference.

Visit http://www.stitchedportraits.com. for commissioned portraits. Let me do an embroidered portrait from your photo. What a wonderful everlasting remembrance of your loved one